nothing like I had planned

What was I expecting, really? More autonomy? More freedom? Maybe relief from bureaucracy. I don’t know what I thought I was walking into, but this is certainly not what I had in mind.

I don’t know what it is that I thought that I could teach or to tell, but there is so little room to move, such a terrible dearth of opportunity to express or inspire. Now I’m not so sure that what I hoped it was that I could share, could teach, can even be taught at all.

Neither do I know do I know who I thought I would teach it to. I don’t know what I expected of teenagers, maybe it’s their number and proximity that makes them less like the whole, seperate people that I thought they might be.

Sagely reflections are staring at me from the columns of glass panes. These things that I have found in life, that I have discovered, that I wished I had known before it caused me so much trouble and before I caused so much trouble for others, in those times I was never going to have known. It was not a light to be turned on, or a door to be opened. I can show no shortcuts, tell no secrets, give no revelations.

There are no words that I may tell them what I know.

It is a humble quiet with which I resign myself. It was a glorious plan, a golden vision, but one born out of naivety. I have not the tongue and they have not the ears for us to build such a dream.

dream another dream, this dream is over

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