Sometimes when you’re put in certain situations out of the ordinary, you get the chance to see what you’re really made of and to find parts of yourself deep down that you never knew you had. Like allergies.
After managing to turn various portions of my skin a half-cooked lobster shade of red while exploring Rottnest Island yesterday with a fellow tourist – an adventure that yielded us a single photograph of a particularly uninterested quokka, I returned home and hoisted my bottle of aloe vera gel from the fridge that I had purchased for just such occasions. After a liberal smearing of the cool, soothing squishy stuff I went and found a comfortable surface on which to pass out.
Interior – The following day. I wake up this morning to find that various parts of my body seem to have had a curious reaction to the aloe gel, having swollen to some degree. Picture collagen injections as applied to my entire head, as well as my left hand. After discovering that some of my appendages now resembled the kid from Willy Wonka that ate the magic chewing gum, I decided to consult some references on what exactly aloe vera gel should do. A brief inquiry revealed that aside from the soothing and healing jazz, effects should, as it turns out, include reduction of swelling.
That is not what I’ve got.
So, making use of my finely honed powers of deduction, I have concluded that my symptoms may in fact be abnormal and might be classed as a “reaction”, possibly of the allergic variety.
This leaves me now as the semi-inflated one-armed bandito. I strike terror into the hearts of… well… something. Waffles maybe.