Yesterday at school was long. I was teaching solid from 8:40 and missed my recess break because of a problem with some students, and I had lunch duty. So when it was time for lunch and I was looking forward to at least getting something to eat, the emergency alarm goes off. I love fire drills.
So after spending twenty minutes out in the sun getting a nice all-round toasting while trying to herd a thousand narky kids who want their lunch break, it turns out that there was actually a bomb threat (well, two actually. Just in case they didn’t take the first one seriously). So the whole school has been evacuated and the police are sweeping every building. Meanwhile there are kids doing their business in the bushes and starting to expire sitting on the oval. An hour and a half of waiting later, we get the all clear and I get to eat a pie while doing the rounds.
If that wasn’t enough, today the upper school coordinator has put out a contract on the head of “The Phantom Crapper”. Apparently one of the boys at the school has been piling large quantities of toilet paper in the toilet bowls and then placing his waste on top. The cleaner was already on edge, so when he almost stuck the coordinator’s head in the bowl when explaining that the culprit needs to be dealt with post haste, as you can imagine, the message was clearly received. Digital photos have been taken of the evidence, and the coordinator plans to present them to the parents of the student responsible as soon as the chase comes to a climax. Apparently from the remainders, observers have concluded that the individual in question has some suspect dietary habits as well. The coordinator was also considering putting the photo’s up using a projector during a school assembly to try and smoke out the villain, but thankfully someone managed to talk him down.
Personally I think they’d do better to enter it in some arts festivals. I know I’ve seen worse.