texas buzzard massacre

As a general rule, I harbour no ill will toward animals or other living things, provided they do me the common courtesy of staying out of my way and not attempting to eat me. In the past three days however, a torrent of unbridled rage has begun brewing behind my mind. And the subject… is a chicken. Such things have never bothered me before (I am in fact rather fond of chickens of the rubber variety, and also as a source of protein), but Monday night, at 4:10am, one of them crossed the line. Not one of those little, forgivable line crossings either. One that involves very loud crowing noises directly next to my bedroom window during my otherwise peaceful (read: upside-down and sleep-yabbering) slumber. My sole concern and mission in life is now the silencing of this rooster, borne from the ass of the devil itself.

Katy referred to the beast as a cock, but personally I reserve that appellation for the fiend who brought this godforsaken monstrosity within earshot of my sleeping quarters. I found myself becoming more and more agitated, considering assisting in the untimely death of said nearby poultry. Frequent screeches interrupted my dreamy hallucinations of the many and varied unnatural circumstances in which the bird could come to harm. It occurs to me that there are no less than four swords in the house. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is comfy and doesn’t want to get out of bed. After some time, just as suddenly as the noise began, silence. At least, I assume there was silence… I don’t remember there actually being any, but I sure as hell wasn’t falling asleep to the serenading of some battery-farm reject. Four hours of pleasant sleep later and it was at it again, then again at 6am the following morning, plus at least another two sessions before sundown. The ice… is getting thin.

But possessed white-meat aside, things are pretty good. Went to check out Lemony Snicket’s on Tuesday with a good friend and have a coffee, spent half of Australia Day in bed and slugged around for a while before heading into the city on the train to catch the skyworks. I still dig fireworks. Thankfully the fires are under control now as well, so things are safe, the skies are blue again, and the folks at work are a lot less stressed. At least they will be until I hand in my notice tomorrow.

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