clowns to the left of me

I quite enjoy being alive. I really do. It’s just one of those things you remember to notice every now and then, regardless of what you happen to be doing. It’s just so nice to receive stimulus. I realised something the other day, which is that my left hand is pretty much in constant pain, or at the very least it aches. Somehow though it hasn’t bothered me enough to even really notice that much, I mean it’s just a feeling, a sensation to which it appears I’ve become accustomed. I mean I think it’s far better to have a functioning hand that’s in pain than a useless limb that doesn’t give me grief. The thing is, that if you want to do something quite a lot or it’s a requirement to do what you need to, you can get used to pretty much anything. Given you have the courage of your convictions of course. This doesn’t really relate to what I thought was the major point I wanted to write about, but it’s fascinating all the same. Your mind can adjust to get used to things, to believe that almost anything is normal or regular. Conditioning is a very scary thing.

My real thought however was that it’s almost time I started considering if I want to acheive anything next year, or more importantly, what it is that I want the most. Want, of course, being the operative word. I easily have everything I need to survive on a primitive basis, everything else is just whatever I feel the compulsion to do. Sometimes I get these strange feelings that I ought to do some things sooner than later in life, because I wouldn’t enjoy some things as much if I was older, or maybe I’d just be less likely to ever do them if I didn’t do them when I was younger. Most of it is probably superfluous posturing, but it’s there in the back of my mind anyway. It basically comes down to that I’ve got a few very real opportunities to do things that I would love to do, however most of them are quite sturdy undertakings and are the kinds of which you can’t really do several at once (at least not with a natural number of limbs). And so I am faced with the scourge of my generation, choice. Presented with limitless opportunities, the mind simply boggles at the prospects.

The alternative way to view the situation, though, is that I’ve got everything going for me and I’m just a dirty whining bugger, but I tend to prefer to make big choices in my life sound a lot more epic and profound than that.

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