I’ve ended up in some strange kind of situation again. I seem to have a bit of a habit of doing this, regardless of the fact that I’d prefer not to. Essentially I’m not sure what to do next. I mean I’ve managed to have a perfectly good time over the past eighteen months or so, just doing everything you do in a life, with the goal of being able to buy and ride a big, fast, shiny bike. But now I have it. This doesn’t make it any less awesome, but it’s done. I’ve accomplished what I set out to acheive. So what now? I wanted to do some more track days… but I’ve got one booked for Monday week after the superbikes and then I’m going to the Fireblade trackday/launch in four weeks. So what then now? What else?
I don’t really know.
I mean it’s absolutely wonderful that I’m in a situation with so many choices and opportunites, so many options, so many things I could do, but its practically going to waste on someone uncertain like me. It almost makes me feel guilty for not knowing what to want. It’s kind of odd really, I have no real desire to be rich and/or famous, no burning passion to be the best at any particular thing, no longing to be appreciated for any kinds of works or deeds, no inclination at all to be some personality or thing to be admired or really even considered at large. I’m really quite happy and comfortable just being who I am. I never thought I’d be at a point where I honestly said that, but there it is. It’s not to say I have any quarrel with your more-carpe-diem-than-thou “may I never be content” types, I just don’t share their enthusiasm for whatever it is that makes them constantly want to be bigger and better, and maybe I’m wrong to be content, maybe I’m wrong not to want to be larger than myself, maybe I and those like me should be dragged into the street and shot for not sharing the dream of being rich, powerful and the subject of admiration…
By no means am I saying I never intend to do anything with myself, neither is this an admission of apathy, acceptance or adequacy. Don’t be mistaken into thinking this means I plan on choosing paths according to their level of resistance or following any kind of plan or accepted practices. All I mean to say is that I feel no need for glory, no neccessity to be known or to have.
I just intend on being myself, and going wherever it is that doing that is going to take me.
And I like that.