Entries from July 2006 ↓

So I had this idea last week. It was, for lack of a better descriptor, crazy. To give you the summary version, I was concocting a plan that involved me trying to get all of my uni assignments done before September, then taking off in an Eastward direction for a couple of months with no real agenda except for a couple of bits and pieces here and there.

I was working out how to time things, packing my life into my parents attic, accommodation, transport, all manner of things and wondering how I was ever going to manage to get it all sorted. So I pondered it over the weekend. Essentially I came to the conclusion that while it was a fine idea and would be scads of fun, It would mean a hugely stressful 6 week lead-up, and most likely the accumulation of a substantial debt along the way and on the basis of these thoughts, I decided to give up on the idea and ride out the uni semester as normal, working a bit in the meantime.

Monday morning came and I made my way to work in the lousy weather, and after a couple of soul-sucking meetings where I could feel my work ethic and productivity being drained from my limp body, I got back to my desk and sat down. It was there that I noticed something was missing. I'd gone from having this tremendous drive to get things done, plot things out and flesh out plans… to having nothing. Now honestly, I don't care that much about my work. It's menial and I don't think one could really take a whole deal of pride in word processing and photocopying. So essentially this situation has just brought into focus the fact that I spend an awful lot of time accomplishing nothing on a personal level, which is bad.

I guess it's really a bit obvious to say, but if you're not doing something, you're doing nothing.

It's enough to make me want to change my mind again.

I get to thinking from time to time about the inconceivable injustice and misery that goes on in the world around me, and I feel moved to do something to sway the world in a positive direction. The rub however, is your definition of positive. You could say that the world would be a better place if we supported alternative energy and fuel development, if we gave more funding to the fine arts or if we did more to save the forests. People talk about the bigger picture, but they're only interested in the picture as far as it concerns themselves.

Hooray for hybrid cars and bio-diesel, hooray for bringing broadway musicals to town, hooray for fireworks and national anthems and hoorah and hoorah. There are forty odd million people sitting in the heat in greater Africa who haven't eaten in a couple of days, and even then a couple of dry weet-bix would look like a feast. There are millions dying of AIDS under the same sun, with no chance of stopping the spread of infection. And you think that sticking the change from your low-fat soy latte in the tip jar is doing a good deed.

All this miserable shit goes on around us, and we don't even see it most of the time, let alone care. We only get bothered about the Middle-East because it makes it more expensive to run our tanky climate-controlled ten-speaker-stereo automobiles. But am I any better than everyone else?

No.
I don't lose any sleep.

I'll still spend sunny afternoons thinking about shiny motorcycles and new Hollywood films, opting for the medium sized combo so I can save a couple of bucks to put towards my next tropical holiday. I will toddle willingly along in my fruitless little existence, putting all the pain and horror away somewhere in my mind where it doesn't touch me so I can go about my silly little business.

Oh, what manner of beast is man.

So I stuck my tongue into an electric razor this morning.

Yeah, I went to college.