dwightus.com

this just in…

May 29th, 2004 at 12:09 am

A mere 118 days, 134 job applications, 18 interviews, 50 official rejection notices and several kilograms of Nescafe Blend 43 later… and I have a job.

Well, that was easy.

Next!

whoa

May 26th, 2004 at 7:21 pm

It’s uncanny…

so what exactly are you saying

May 22nd, 2004 at 10:58 pm

Our fearless hero trawls through yet another week of job applications, interviews and countless rejection notices, also accruing a level-up giving him an ability of Travel Betwixt Perth & Bunbury +3 (including such familiarity with several routes that he is now able to complete the journey blindfolded with one arm tied behind his back while in a coma).

I’m beginning to get just a *teensy* bit tired of this job hunting thing, I’m almost at the point where I’m thinking I should do something different entirely. Of course I have no idea what, but hey, it’s a work in progress. I’d just like to be doing something a little more satisfying than writing letters and applications all day that will just end up in a wastebasket somewhere, I mean it’s not even fair on the poor trees that are going to waste in the process, it’s just such a destructive process. There are just so many things right now that are lined up for me but are hinging on me being employed, it’s somewhat frustrating when I let it get to me, so I try not to. It’s been about four months now give or take a couple of planetary revolutions, and while on one hand time flies and it’s relatively nothing in the ultimate scheme of things, on the other, it’s a long time. It’s 1.5% of my entire lifetime to date. If my life were a day, I’d have spent over 20 minutes doing this stuff. To put it simply, it’s a monumental waste of time.

Of course I can’t just turn around and say “Aha! Well, no more job appliactions then.”, that would be fruitless and wouldn’t improve my situation by any stretch of the imagination. So the alternative then lies in changing something about what I am doing, like doing what I already do, but dressed as Bobo the Clown… well, not like that at all really, but you know what I’m getting at. It’s all well and good to talk about doing something though, and another thing entirely to actually do it. The best laid plans are still only plans. Don’t get me wrong, I mean I do have plans… I’m just not one to often talk of them.

In the meantime however, I do have to keep up this farcical existence to survive financially and I still intend to endure the illusion that I can manage to scrounge up a job in a field in some way loosely related to what I did a degree in (the reasons for which are questionable) for at least a little while longer. But my fuse is getting rather short, and so the days in which I intend to keep up this bland subsistence have suddenly become numbered.

for a very important date

May 14th, 2004 at 3:22 pm

So apparently the new federal budget reads like this:

Dear Single Australian with no children or home loan,

Screw You.

Regards,
The Budget.

p.s. Feel free to go out and get some wench pregnant for us.

Please use this opportunity to ensure that your browser is correctly parsing

Other stuff has been up and down a bit, but I’ve got a lot to do again and less time to do it in, so I’ll catch you up later.

profound nothingness

May 8th, 2004 at 8:49 am

So I’m sitting here at what, something like a few minutes after one on a saturday morning, and I’m getting to thinking again. I’m wondering about what I want. What I want is a drink…

…okay, so I’m sitting here with a glass of water and two, check that, one red grape, wondering what it is I want. And I’m no longer speaking in the digestive system sense of the word. I sit here and think about this life that I’m going through, and what’s wrong with it. And I mean what is wrong with it. Nothing. I have friends who care about me, family that loves me, a roof over my head that seems in no particular hurry to collapse upon me, I learn things day to day, I have clean water and a comfy bed and my folks would be quite happy for me to live with them until whichever of us moves on first. And it’s nice here. So what more could I want? Indpendence? Self-Reliance? That’s all just pride and I know I can do it anyhow. The answer isn’t in wall to wall speakers, more shelves of books or more fruit boxes full of CDs. I can’t really pin it down. It came as a great shock to me personally, when after many, many years I realised I had no real intention of either being rich or plans of world domination. I was truly shocked. I will never buy a two hundred thousand dollar car. It wont happen. Not because it couldn’t be done, but because I simply don’t have the desire to. So I’ve got all these things that I don’t want, which doesn’t really help answer my question.

Of course eventually I keep coming back to the same answer I always come back to. That being that I don’t want anything, just to do everything. And I don’t really know why. I can’t think of a rational reason for it really. I mean while a six-car garage full of exotic automobiles would be awfully nice, and a portfolio of stock and real estate would ensure I had peace of mind until I turn to dust, but I can’t see myself being the kind of person that has either. I just want to do it. I want to have done it all, I want to have seen every thing and heard every sound, I want to have walked every mile and pondered every possible thought. I want to have done it all, but I simply can’t fathom why. I mean surely had I done everything, anything would lose it’s flavour. But the thing is that there will never be time for me to do it. That’s the rub. No matter how hard I try or how fast I move, I’ll never be able to do it all. I’ll never get it all done. But for some reason I still want to try and do as much as I possibly can.

I never professed to have understood myself, let alone anyone else. I always thought it a grave insult to say to another person that you understood them completely, as if they could encompass in entirety the other persons being, thoughts and consciousness and package it somewhere in the back of their mind as another thing that they understood and could process, that one persons entirety was so insignificant and simple that it could be contained in another persons mind. I find the concept ludicrous. On the same token, I don’t believe that I will ever fully understand myself, what I’m doing or why I’m doing it. I don’t believe that I will ever accomplish something and be “done”. I’ll never know what I want, and that is why I want to do everything, as if it’s some vain mortal search for something that might be what it is that I want to find or experience, as if my life were some cosmic journey and I was looking for the end. And so I am part of this ludicrous conundrum where I embark on what I know is a fruitless search for what is an indisputably non-existant grail of higher consciousness. I’m running in a race to nowhere, but for some utterly absurd reason I feel like I have to proceed until I am totally and utterly spent. It’s like there is no answer to my question and I don’t even know what the question is, like playing Jeopardy with infinity.

There is no destination to which I am heading, there is no solution to my puzzle and it will never be possible for me to know how the rabbit comes out of the hat. But because of some part of me which I simply cannot comprehend, I will be tossing and turning the top hat and staring at every angle until the end of time itself.

So glass empty and grapes gone, I really do not know what I want. So all that there is left to do is get up tomorrow morning…

…and do it again.

21 Down…

May 8th, 2004 at 2:47 am

Song titles relevant to the lyrics hence posted lie herein

1. Cake – Love You Madly
2. Superjesus – Gravity
3. Soundgarden – Mood for trouble
4. David Bowie – I’m Deranged
5. Alanis Morissette – right through you
6. TISM – aussiemandias
7. Beck – diamond dogs
8. No Doubt – spiderwebs
9. Faith No More – crack hitler
10. Garbage – hammering in my head
11. Marilyn Manson – slutgarden
12. Cake – let me go
13. A Perfect Circle – Judith
14. Frenzal Rhomb – we’re going out tonight
15. Shawn Colvin – sunny came home
16. The Brothers Johnson – right on time
17. Bon Jovi – bed of roses
18. Rob Zombie – feel so numb
19. Fuel – song for you
20. Garbage – drive you home